what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
