I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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