That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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