Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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