my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
