he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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