who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
