I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
