I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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