all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
