is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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