What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
