this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
