So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
