He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
