Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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