I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
His hands were made for my vagina.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
