last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
