we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize