I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
