i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
