You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
