Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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