she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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