He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
