sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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