I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
