i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
