I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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