I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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