ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
