hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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