And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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