If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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