just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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