There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
