i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
