My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
