even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I had to cum in my sink.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
