if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
