I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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