so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
