So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Vodka?
Forever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
