I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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