areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize