so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
