I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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