Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
