just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
