I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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