Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
