does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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