Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
