I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
