A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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