There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
