So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
