we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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