Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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