I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
