Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
