I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
