We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
