We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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