I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's rum buckets o'clock
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
