I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
