Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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