Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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