i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
