What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
