I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
