what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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