Small penises have feelings too.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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