Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
