I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
