what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
