I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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