theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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