I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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