I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
