so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize