I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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