You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
