We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
