I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sober January is a disaster.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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