she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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