you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
