i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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