sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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