as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
