Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
