This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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