Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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