so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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