My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
