I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
