i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
