He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
