my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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