currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
