bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
