i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
