Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
