My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
