I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
