Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize