I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
