Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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