She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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