If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
