i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
